home
***
CD-ROM
|
disk
|
FTP
|
other
***
search
/
Floppyshop 2
/
Floppyshop - 2.zip
/
Floppyshop - 2.iso
/
diskmags
/
3565-4.665
/
dmg-4385
/
issue_10
/
9.pne
< prev
Wrap
Text File
|
1987-04-21
|
4KB
|
69 lines
**************************************
* GETTING TO KNOW YOUR ATARI *
* Written by Colin for STOSSER. *
**************************************
One time or another we have all experienced problems with our machine, if
it's not the disk-drive it's the mouse, if it's not the mouse it's the
keyboard and the list is never ending for us mortal programmers and games
players. Really we cannot blame the computer for failing, as like us,
they tend to have some human qualities as well. There are one or two
golden rules that you should all be aware of when using your Atari for
either playing games, writing useless articles to STOSSER or programming
in Basic.
Your machine is usually subject to breakdowns during periods of critical
needs and most of the Atari's (Pre-TOS 2.06 versions) have a special
built in circuit called a critical detector, it's primary function is to
sense the operator's emotional state in terms of how desperate he or she
is to use the machine, the critical detector then creates a form of
malfunction proportional to the desperation of the operator.
One of the first golden rules is NEVER threaten your machine with any form
of violence, this will only aggravate the situation and make the critical
detector go into over-drive. Likewise, attempts to use another machine
may cause the detector in your own machine to send out a frequency (beyond
our hearing scale) that is automatically picked up by the second machine,
thus making this inoperable and as well as that they all belong to the
same Union.
The best thing to do under these circumstances is to keep cool and say
nice things to it like "How nice it is for you to let me use your delicate
soft keyboard!" or "I just love to hear your disk drive purring in my
ears!" and if this still doesn't disengage the detector circuits then say
"I was going to get a Falcon, but I know you can always give me that
certain extra capability that other computers fail in!" and then treat it
to a Ram Up-grade.
You must at all times never let your machine know you are in a hurry, and
as before just play it cool. Let it feel that it's part of your home and
your family and never have an argument in front of it, as this will always
provoke it. If your needs are desperate in using it in a hurry then walk
past it once or twice, preferably with a loving smile (fondling of the
mouse is not permitted at this stage), do NOT lean over your machine when
you switch on as this will convice the detector that you are the dominant
species and this could prove fatal.
The next stage is to wipe the Atari using a soft fluffy duster with a
small application of anti-static polish on, your machine will always
respond well to any form of caressing. It is always advisable at this
point to clean in between all the little cracks and crevices of the
keyboard, for this is the most sensitive part of your machine and once
conquered your Atari will ultimately give you full control.
There is only one last Golden Rule to adhere to and that is NEVER at any
stage place items like ashtrays, mugs of tea or dangerous objects (pens
and paper-clips) on top of your machine as certain models are susceptible
to tantrums of the keys, (it has always believed that it was
Environmentally Green?) with the result of any form of pollution
(especially fag-ash) would not only damage it's image but render your keys
useless, if you do want a drink or smoke then it is advised to use your
back garden or toilet as the detectors sensors are incapable of scanning
beyond a range of 20 feet. I hope that the above information will give
you a good insight as to how your machine operates, and should your Atari
decide to play up,then there is only one thing left to do (if all else
fails?) ................. JOIN IT'S UNION!